I can't relate to the story so much, but... You did great.
The story was smooth and well written, and the art is great. I do thing you messed up in the music a bit, since it's too much catchy instead of just being you know... Chill or more sad, and I mean most of it, not just the first and second day. This aside, you did great. :)
A very cool visual novel. Godlike music, stunning visuals, but not a particulary well-developed story. However, it's worth remembering that ts just a demo. This project definitely deserves your attention!